Those Phrases shared by My Father Which Saved Us during my time as a Brand-New Dad

"I think I was merely in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey expected to manage the challenges of fatherhood.

However the reality soon proved to be "completely different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into becoming her main carer while also taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I took on all the nights, every nappy change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a public seat, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, look for assistance and start recovering.

His situation is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While people is now more comfortable addressing the pressure on mothers and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a wider failure to communicate between men, who continue to absorb harmful ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and stays upright every time."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is equally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the space to ask for a pause - spending a few days abroad, separate from the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He understood he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the day-to-day duties of caring for a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now penning Leo letters each week about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan hopes these will help his son to more fully comprehend the vocabulary of feelings and understand his decisions as a father.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also felt keenly since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their bond.

Stephen says bottling up emotions led him to make "poor actions" when in his youth to change how he felt, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You gravitate to behaviours that aren't helpful," he explains. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Tips for Managing as a New Father

• Talk to someone - if you feel under pressure, confide in a family member, your partner or a professional about your state of mind. It can help to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - make time for the things that helped you to feel like you before becoming a parent. It could be playing sport, meeting up with mates or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - a good diet, staying active and when you can, sleep, all contribute in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - hearing about their stories, the challenges, and also the joys, can help to normalise how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help isn't failing - taking care of you is the optimal method you can support your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having not spoken to him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "repeat the pattern" with his boy and instead give the stability and emotional support he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a outburst, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - managing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, changed how they talk, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their sons.

"I'm better… sitting with things and handling things," says Stephen.

"I put that down in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to guide and direct you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."