Evening Hosts Take Aim At Trump's New 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Television's leading comedians used the evening criticizing ex-President Donald Trump's just launched visa program, labeled the "gold card," portraying it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the affluent.

The Late Show's Witty Take

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert offered a satirical Christmas jingle targeting the president. "He's making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the agents at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... destroys all he handles."

The subject was the controversial plan that permits international nationals to purchase U.S. residency for the price of one million dollars, or "platinum" tier for five million. The program's portal pledges approval "in record time."

"A brief thought for you to wealthy foreigners: prior to you fork over the cash, have you considered Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He noted that the card is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms looking to hire foreign workers, with large costs. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – provided that it's the a specific Marriott," he added.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people absolutely are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you gotta prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "The initial query: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Blistering Commentary

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel labeled the initiative the "U.S. Access Express Card."

"Here's a card that will let wealthy foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get legal visitor status, you get a route to citizenship, and a presidential pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Perhaps it's time to update that poem on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your huddled masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel lampooned the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He said that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"Exactly, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel quipped. "It's what Jesus always said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you offer the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers addressed Trump's plunging approval ratings during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term since they were upset about the economy," he said.

This week, in a bid to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a briefing in front of a array of grocery items, where he reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"These look great, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What exactly happens with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing right-leaning media arguments of Trump's economic record. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he joked.